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Figure 1. I don't entirely agree, but whatever.

Figure 1. I don’t entirely agree, but whatever.

I want to  dislike Blake Shelton but I just CANNOT. Conversely, I just love his big old hammy white boy melon, his bad tattoos and foofy hair and full-on dorky gig on The Voice. I love him though he and Miranda Lambert got divorced, because I still love her too. I love them separately and completely.

And I love him with Gwen Stefani! I want to write RPF about the two of them together because
a) I am bonkers
b) it would totally RULE! Opposites attract! Opposing singers on The Voice! Gwen buys Blake skinny jeans! Blake takes Gwen muddin’ – it practically writes itself.


Here’s a song that I know on its face is absolutely dumb, but like Blake Shelton, I can’t stop loving it. It’s like the jolie-laide of songs and I am so magnetized by its grossness & its strange appeal that I could make out with it in the back of Blake’s truck (as one does, of course).

I mean, hear me: it has that crapola country version of “rap” in addition to being called “GONNA.”

Not even lying: the name of the song’s “Gonna.” Just sit with that a minute, will ya?

*waits while everyone absorbs this crucial braindead fact*
*gets totally back into our Now*

Here it is, with the can’t-vouch-for-it video. Maybe you can pray for me, or send me some sort of advice/perspective on my inability to hate Blake Shelton. Meanwhile, my lyric analysis after the jump…

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