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Pablo

In Between Days

 

Figure 1. Exactly.

Figure 1. Exactly.

 

Here we are poised on the ragged end of summer. I’m caught between routine and leisure.

There’s too much on my mind. I have been sick for several days but I’m feeling on the mend.

Still, I can’t do anything but read.

(And write smutty fan fiction. For some reason, I expel a whole bunch of that stuff prior to doing the Published Writing. Clearing the pipes.)


 

Figure 4. Pablo and Gonzo cuddle time.

Figure 2. Pablo and Gonzo cuddle time.

 

My dog is a champion cuddler. I was told this morning that I am not a champion cuddler.

“You lay next to me and read, but you don’t cuddle,” said Matilda.

“I’m the best cuddler in this whole family,” said Adrian.

“Did you know that the name ‘Pablo’ is actually Spanish for ‘excellent cuddler?'” asked Pablo.


 

fresh desk

Figure 3. What my desk looks like when I clean it quarterly.

 

My office is getting new windows. This means violence is being done to my bookshelves and desk. No access allowed to that room. Probably I should have picked out a clean outfit today?

I wonder if the vintage table cloths we currently use as curtains will still cover the new windows?

My office is not an exciting place. I might buy a couch for it once the dumbass remodeling is finished.*


 

Figure 4. Heh.

Figure 4. Heh.

 

One thing I like about reading fan fiction is how baldly it can show the writer’s fantasies. I also don’t like it for that reason, especially when I read things that sound like they’ve been produced by some kind of software designed to sound “sexy.” That makes me feel sad for the person; that they’ve not developed their own erotic glossary, so to speak. That the images they’ve decided signal ‘sexy’ are stock images and worn metaphors.

Silky, throbbing, shuddering, dewy… etc.

Come on, man. Don’t let others speak for you!

There are specific things you learn about a person when you have sex with them. They are not usually sexual or erotic. That was one of the main draws about sex for me back when I was a youth. I just wanted to SEE what the guy would DO. What he’d look like. What would HAPPEN if I did x or y. A kind of curiosity that hasn’t left me, even though I’m married and monogamous and boring.


 

Figure 5. My kid, Matilda. Sorry you have to go to Gross Middle School, honey

Figure 5. My kid, Matilda. Sorry you have to go to Gross Middle School, honey

 

My daughter had middle school orientation yesterday. Her middle school smelled like floor cleaner and onions. The onions part is from body odor, I’m quite certain.

Middle school is populated with lots of kids who don’t realize they should now start bathing with more frequency.

I think all middle school building signs should say: “Welcome to _____________ Middle School: No One Wants To Be Here, So Let’s Just Get This Over With.”

The nice thing about her middle school, though? It still has a library. And a librarian. And there were some really good books on the shelves. More than I can say for her goddamn elementary school.

*sighs for 15 minutes*


Figure 6. Oh, thanks, Norman.

Figure 6. Oh, thanks, Norman.

 

Next Wednesday, I turn 40.

It doesn’t feel that old. Yet: you are OLD when you are 40. But I wrote this when I turned 37 and it still is true.

I keep waiting to transform into someone grown-up and responsible.

I keep waiting to, like, somehow need religion.

I keep waiting to become this person who is demure and discreet and appropriate.

But I’m 40 and that’s not happening. So I guess now I just say, what?

Fuck It All

Stop telling me what’s what, World

I’m half-way to death so give up on me becoming Proper already

I’m having Devil’s Food cake with coconut pecan frosting for my birthday. Later, once this dumbass remodeling** is done, I’m taking Adrian to Italy for a week to celebrate my oldness.

 

 

 

 

 

*This dumbass remodeling is scheduled to be finished exactly never.
**I know. I KNOW.

Cold Minnesota Is Cold

 

Figure 1. Even dogs need proper winter accessories, you guys.

Figure 1. Even dogs need proper winter accessories, you guys.

 

It’s cold here; you might have heard.

At the start of a new year, it’s very hard to get shit done when you work at home and the holidays have jacked with your normal routine but they keep canceling school and even your husband doesn’t go into the office. Which is good as his car didn’t start today.

I don’t mind cold weather; I just need some exercise like whoa because my anxiety brain is going a little batshit.

Times like this make me long for my old membership at the YMCA.

Anyway, I’m reading a lot (the 2014 Morris Award finalists!) And plucking my eyebrows a lot. And obsessing over footwear and denim. And missing my Daryl Dixon (34 days until new episode).

Only if it means we look more like Daryl. What’s your big motivation for the New Year?

Figure 2. My 2014 resolution is to get to what’s underneath that poncho.

 

 

Post-Christmas

 

 

I think I like the post-Christmas time a little better. For obvious reasons. The pressure’s off. But I still seem fixated on baking things and cuddling on the sofa and lighting candles and romping around with my dogs and eating lots of delicious foods.

This is by far my favorite present this year:

 

Figure 1. Reuseable water tumbler with straw. Plastic. Mine’s green. I bought it for myself and crammed it into my stocking.

 

I also enjoyed an entire box of these (minus the fruit-flavored ones; don’t like to mix fruit and chocolate):

 

Figure 2. Russell Stover All Dark Assortment. Courtesy of my diabetic father.

Figure 2. Russell Stover All Dark Assortment. Courtesy of my diabetic father.

 

Matilda and Adrian and I also re-watched the first two seasons of the BBC’s Sherlock so I could work up a blog post for Teen Librarian Toolbox.

I also made several million crocheted hats.  Walked Pablo all through the snow and ice. Read all my back issues of The New Yorker.

And we also did a lot of this:

Figure 3. Gonzo having a lie-in.

Figure 3. Gonzo having a lie-in. 

 

Figure 4. Pablo and Gonzo cuddle time.

Figure 4. Pablo and Gonzo cuddle time.

 

Figure 5. Matilda & Pablo trekking home from last day of school.

Figure 5. Matilda & Pablo trekking home from last day of school before break.

 

Plus Adrian and Matilda had an IKEA date. Here’s a photo of two very beautiful things, my daughter & that green sofa:

Figure 6. Matilda in her Minnesota garb, on a velvet sofa which Adrian hates but which I think is as lovely as my child.

Figure 6. Matilda in her Minnesota garb, on the Stockholm velvet sofa which Adrian hates but which I think is as lovely as my child.

 

Of New Years I will say nothing. New Year’s Eve is a stupid waste. And I don’t make resolutions. Because I think about myself and my goals all year long so stick it, Resolutions. How much more egotistical do you want me to get?

I do hope you have a fine start to 2014. I feel like I have.

 

 

Birthday Recipe

Figure 1. Matilda Maude Anoush Cutieface My Favorite Girl Ever

Figure 1. Matilda Maude Anoush Cutieface Chubby Cheeks Best Favorite Girl EVER

 

 

Yesterday, in preparation for my birthday, I did the following:

– cut out a bunch of Adventure Time paper crafts with The Matilda

– went shopping

– bought four new fly-swatters and put them all around the house (home remodeling leaves a lot of windows & doors open, thus, fly vectors)

– read romance novellas about pirates (one which featured a dude who was BLIND & then regained his sight via power of vadge, which, I can’t even tell you how many times that’s happened to me in my own personal sexual life, you guys)

– read part of a romance novel that featured steampunk, vampires, thralls, etc., plus a VIRGIN WEREWOLF GUY. He was the sweetest Virgin Werewolf Guy ever, yall.

– cleaned up my whole messy insane house

– sent out some teaching proposals

– sent 99 thousand emails

– bugged Adrian about dumb things (“Do you like my braids?”; “Isn’t it hot? I hate this so much”; “Come look at how much ass I kicked cleaning the whole messy insane house!”; “Where’s the goddamn stapler?”)

– told Pablo “yr such a goooooood booooooy” 27 times

So, clearly, now, today will be an excellent day.

Super Fancy & Glamorous

There’s a giant flatscreen television facedown in our living room. The mister bought it on Craigslist, just has to reconfigure a circuit board or something. Then we’ll have a Mega Television.

Matilda’s sick and in bed telling herself the story of her new doll that’s half giant, half river monster. “Dragons actually have to drink lots of water. Not too much or their fire goes out. But just enough to make their scales soggy.”

I think my dog has multiple personality disorder.

Our house is really gross. On all levels.

I’m daunted by the prospect of buying milk.

My father amuses me. “Don’t let archeologists who dig up this land think I’m a killer. There’s only raccoon skeletons in that ravine.”

I love going to Shopko. It’s like an alternate universe Target.

I love looking out the second story window of the bathroom in my parents’ house while I shower and just seeing woods. “Hello, Woods. I am glad all this building material separates us. Yet, you are pretty.”

I cannot get anything done lately. It’s sort of making me batshit.