What I Want For Christmas Is Nothing
Because I have a checking account, I don’t ‘want’ anything for Christmas. If I want a thing, I generally just buy it.
Instead what I want for this damn holiday is the absence of things.
Not because I’m all ‘stop being so materialistic!’
Actually, I love material things. I love stuff. (Stuff. Thangs. Heh.)
Instead what I want is to NOT do things. Or BE things.
I want to NOT have to feel like I should make cookies for people.
I want to NOT have to go anywhere but my own home for the actual holiday.
I want to NOT have to attend dumb church or be photographed opening gifts.
I want to NOT have people make a big fucking deal of how ‘special’ this day is. It’s a day. It’s fun if you’re a kid. If you’re an adult, it’s exhausting and expensive and so once all the wrapping paper comes off, you stuff your guts with food and drink because you’re bewildered about how this happened to you, once again, and then you really feel like a loser.
My dream is to have a year where there are no holidays. No Thanksgiving. No Christmas. No Easter. Instead of celebrating, I would wake up and just glide over the day and it would really be meaningless and offer me nothing, instead of the weight and phoniness I contend with now.
Sorry if I bummed you out. At least you know what to get me now, if you haven’t already bought me something. You’re welcome.