Carrie’s Top 10 Most Hated Romantic Cliches
Because you were all burning up to know them, right? Feel free to comment with your own…
1. Principal love interests meet by accidentally “bumping” or “crashing” into each other. Usually involves the spilling of books, bags of groceries or some other bulky parcel, and both parties becoming acquainted as they jointly collect up the dropped items.
2. Male offering a garment (coat, sweater, letter jacket, etc.) to female because she is cold or in distress. Often followed by male’s comment of “You’re shivering!” or “Your hands are ice cold!”
3. Male sweeping up female and carrying her over threshold. Also includes any variation of this sentence: “He swept her up into his arms, saying, as she protested, ‘Why, you’re as light as a feather!'”
4. Any type of intimate musical exchange between principal love interests. Examples: piano or singing duets, acoustic guitar, window or balcony serenades.
5. Offers to slow dance that occur when there is no dance floor in sight. Often involves character asking “May I have this dance?” in affected, unnatural manner, in an incongruous locale (a living room, a swimming pool, the Brooklyn Bridge).
6. Marriage proposals that are made on bended knee and/or proclaimed loudly in public situations e.g. a big party, the Jumbotron at Wrigley Field. Use of middle names in either case is also wretched:
“Jennifer Maria Schmuckatelli, will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?”
“Yes, Jonathan Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt! Yes! I will marry you!”
7. Use of the phrase “table for two” when entering a restaurant. Further restaurant no-no’s include: the man ordering for the woman (“The lady’ll have the pasta primavera…”), violins serenading tableside, and characters buying dinner companions a rose from a roving flower salesperson.
8. Situations that force principal love interests into sharing a bed or sleeping quarters:
“There are no other rooms in the hotel!”
“We are trapped in this remote cabin in the wilderness and a terrible blizzard is coming!”
“Due to clerical error, we booked the same compartment on the night train to Katmandu!”
9. Conversations about circumstances and details surrounding a “kiss” between two parties. This can be between the principal love interests or between one of the principals and a rival:
“Come on, Ramona! Did you even mean it when you kissed me the other night?”
“So, you kissed Barbara, too? You just kiss every girl you meet, then?”
“Oh, Enrique! That kiss with Larry didn’t mean anything. With you, it’s different…”
10. Slow disrobing from a distance between principal love interests prior to intimate contact.
This only happens on television, because it looks better that way.