I hate November. Here’s why.

1) Halloween, the main awesome holiday of life, is over.

2) Next up: all the grody, exhausting, obligation-laden, gluttonous, expensive holidays.

3) SO DARK. I want to go to bed at 6:30. Leave all the dinner dishes out and the kid’s homework undone and just get into my vampire coffin.

4) SO COLD. Usually. There’s no cheerful crispy leaves and sunniness left by the time November shows up.

5) Staring down the barrel at winter. Everything’s dead and ugly. I start to really notice how gross our chain-link fence is. I feel uninterested in almost everything. I start to flutter around the light of the television like a moth. I don’t want to go anywhere, because I’m too lazy to put on foul-weather gear and scrape the windshield. I haven’t built up my winter callus.

6) Thanksgiving is a holiday I would never celebrate if given the choice. Seriously. I know how to make turkey and gravy and I like those things. I just don’t know why you have to do it on ONE DAY and then just sit around feeling fat and bored. I’m an ingrate who’d rather be at home, alone, eating Chinese take-out.

7) Black Friday. Gross.


  • Ela on Nov 03, 2012 Reply

    I love the “winter callus”! Mine is pretty flimsy also. I’m lucky enough up here with a group of family and friends who just use all these occasions as variations on an excuse to get together and have a potluck. I’m one of only two in the group antisocial enough not to show up sometimes, but usually they’re simple fun, and show me that we can do whatever we like in the holidays.

  • Carrie on Oct 30, 2012 Reply

    Wow, you are my hero. Except for the ‘Ween. I love that holiday. Love handing out candy all night!

    I’m mostly waiting for my own kid’s cue to ditch the holidays. I also hate Easter as well.

    New Year’s is wretched. Especially in cold states. Why would you want to go out on a dark, cold night in a tiny sequinned dress and heels to risk death by some drunk driver. I usually hit the sack by 10:30 on New Years.

    Mixed feelings on Christmas. I like decorating. And I like doing some baking/cooking and I enjoy the secretive elving process of gift-giving. What I can’t stand? Church. Driving to places with all the stuff packed up. Sitting around VISITING in living rooms. Any kind of ‘dressing up’ that may be involved. And I hate the ceremonial present-unwrapping that requires everyone to make an orgasm-face the second they open something.

  • Elizabeth Fama on Oct 30, 2012 Reply

    Over the years my family has gradually canceled all holidays. We give out candy to the littlest kids on Halloween until 6 PM and then we leave. We have a Thanksgiving dinner that’s no bigger than every weekend’s Sunday Dinner (I’m lucky to have so much family in town). Like you, I make traditional “Thanksgiving foods” all year round (including cranberry sauce). The first year we canceled Christmas (at the teenagers’ insistence) we all heaved a sigh of relief. Mostly, I’m irritated that the entire country stops working between Thanksgiving and New Year, and nothing gets done. Are we Swedish? P.S. you forgot to mention how arbitrary and gross the celebration of the “new year” is. In my neighborhood people shoot off guns. *facepalm*

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