On Football

On Football

True fact: I have started looking at football for the first time in my life because I loved Friday Night Lights so much.

Basically, everything Mo Perry says in this article is what I also think. Which is handy and saves me a lot of time. Thanks, Mo Perry!

So, I’m sitting on my arse this Sunday, looking at the football with the Mister. I’m also crocheting and reading Balzac’s Lost Illusions. Because, what? You expect me to just sit there like a corpse and stare? Half the time nothing’s happening; it’s just the hammy man-announcers with their giant SuperBowl rings having a big hen party about every stupid thing.

Anyway, I learned a new football rule, beyond the football rules I picked up while mooning over Tim Riggins’ shirtless goodness (what it means to ‘take a knee,’ why quarterbacks don’t learn to block, how the coach tells you what plays to run and if you don’t, there’s big trouble in little China, and probably you should not sleep with the coach’s daughter, either, to name a few).

The team we were playing managed to score a safety. Or we managed to score them a safety. From my understanding, a safety is three points you get when the other team sucks so bad, your team can’t push them any further back down the field, because they’re already in the endzone.  I’m guessing it’s considered a bit unseemly to smush them against the goalpost and into the stands, I suppose. Which seems like a funny thing to me, a kind of deterrent rule put in place for idiots like me who don’t understand the purpose of being on the gridiron to begin with. So embarrassing.

Also, I guess our team sucks this year, which is unfortunate, now that I’m endeavoring to be a Dream Wife and look at football with the mister. But, you know what? It’s really boring to watch your team losing, especially when there’s no underlying tension about whether the fullback is screwing the former quarterback who’s now paralyzed’s girlfriend to keep your mind nimble.

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