Attention, World: Oh, Wait, Just Fiction Writers

Attention, World: Oh, Wait, Just Fiction Writers

If your fictional characters have names I do not like (Conrad, Clark, Jeremiah, Justin, Grace, Wes, Zoey, Bella, Tangerine, Doug, Simon, Milo, Scottie, Nico) then I cannot stand to watch them get kissy with anyone.

If you’d like a list of names to avoid, please advise. Otherwise, your book will go crashing into my wall.  At least for the kissy part.

HOWEVER.  There are exceptions.  Sometimes a character transcends his or her name.

Jonah in Jellicoe Road.  But he was mostly called by his surname, Griggs. Even Taylor, while she’s kissing him, refers to him as Griggs.  Still.  It wouldn’t matter if he was called Percival Shitheel.  His character completely rules.

Wesley in The DUFF.  Because he was very awesome and funny.

Emil in Ordinary Ghosts.  Because goddamn, where was Emil when I was in high school?

Quentin in Paper Towns.  Because he doesn’t really get kissy very much to start with.  Typical John Green boy hero.

Lee in Prep.  Because she’s a girl.  You can be named Lee if you are a girl and get a pass.

Clara in Stay.  Normally, I don’t like Clare/Clara because it sounds frumpy and fragile for a girl heroine.  But somehow Deb Caletti made her Clara strong and cute.

I don’t know why I wrote this, because probably everyone who named their darling baby one of those aforementioned names is going to hate my guts. Sorry, To All Those People.  You know I named my only child Matilda, right?  *ducks*


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